i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
