May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
