I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
