Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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