She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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