I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
