dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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