just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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