Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
