no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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