I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
