why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
