nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
