Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
