Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
