And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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