i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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