Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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