I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
