I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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