I love black thongs
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
