Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
