I'm really into asian looking animals
well most of my day revolves around power hour
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
