I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
