splinters make it hard to masturbate
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
