it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
