i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
