That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
