yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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