wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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