dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
