so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is Oprah even human
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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