I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
