So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
