WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
