Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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