I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We need to rekindle our bromance
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
