Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize