Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize