a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
