I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
