please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
