I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
