I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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