Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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