If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
