I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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