just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
