Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
