C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
