so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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