That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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