He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
