yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
