Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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