i think i have two assholes
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
