I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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