And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
