There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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