Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
