like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize