I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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