Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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