i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
