Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
