I need to stop coming to work sober
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
