No period for spring break; use this wisely.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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