call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
