I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
